In Search for Temporary Sanity…

It is probably impossible to let someone “normal” understand the terror of being “naturally insane”. We throw around the term “crazy” as if it is an accomplishment. Is it really?

Do you feel happy every time you are terrified of something that everyone else embraces? Is it supposed to be a positive or ecstatic feeling? My common sense says “no”, don’t know about yours.

I just slept three times in a row in order to feel sane for a while. Because the environment I reside in daily is designed to trigger my terror point almost every single hour. Can’t share what that point really is because… privacy, of course. But just know that, it is extremely difficult for people with a challenging environment to keep up their mental health.

Seems like a no-brainer right? Trust me. It is not.

I have many, many people in my life who KNOW about my daily mental struggles but still choose to be as judgmental as possible, as hurtful as possible. It has gone on for so long and on such a wide scale, I don’t even fight it anymore. The thought of taking myself off this planet is the only thing that gives me any kind of peace. But I can’t do that either because, religion (“suicide is a sure-shot aim at hell”).

We “naturally insane” people run all our lives in the hope of landing a coping mechanism that will actually “work”, that will successfully take us out from the horror of our reality, that will provide our heart and mind some temporary sanity.

Are you one of us? Have you succeeded in finding it? If yes, my heartfelt congratulations to you. For I am still struggling, and my feet are already sore my friend. It has been a life-long battle against the world and my own demons. I don’t know how to win this anymore.

Nonetheless, being the incredibly optimistic creature I am, someday I too hope to be out of this mess permanently and find an abode of true peace (seems only fictional as of now though).

May God Help me. May God Help all of us.