Baby Reindeer: A Surprisingly Heartbreaking Saga

I didn’t even know about the existence of this series, let alone making any plan to watch it. I was just browsing Netflix on a lazy Sunday and I stumbled upon it, after thinking the first few seconds of the trailer was quite interesting.

I was ready for it to be a hit or a miss. So I clicked on it and started the show.

At first, I thought it will be a comedic show about this annoying crazy lady who just keeps stalking this random guy in London. I was sure that the whole series will end by her being punished for it in some hilarious way, we the audience laughing at it, and the protagonist guy smirking or rolling his eyes.

But wow, did not see any of what came coming.

1. Storytelling Masterclass

a. First Impression

It all started with a regular man offering some tea to a seemingly upset and vulnerable woman at his workplace – a bar. That’s it!

At this very first moment where the two main characters meet, there immediately seems to be something else brewing underneath all that basic chatter, something in the micro-expressions of these two characters. They seem to be such regular people at a distance. However, whenever the camera gets ridiculously close, you can see that they are more than what they’re showing.

b. Misdirection Buildup

For the first 2-3 episodes in this limited series, we get to laugh and get annoyed at this convicted stalker lady. That’s all she is to us – a tumor that is growing and needs to be removed as soon as possible. We see her bursting out laughing like a maniac at a restaurant and reading all the signals from Donny wrong. We also see her blatantly lying every time in every conversation she has with Donny, which he realizes but never says anything until Martha gets between him and his new girlfriend.

At this point we are like, ughh someone just get this lady out of his life already! And so we are glad that Donny is finally going to the police to take some proper action against this bitch!

c. Plot Twist!

OH…

Oh no…

“Why’d it take you so long to report it?”

This simple question by the officer at the police station brings back the life-altering trauma for Donny. And we the audience are also surprised to go back a few years in Donny’s life, and finding out how he was used and abused by someone he admired.

When this is revealed in the middle of this series, it feels like – it came out of nowhere! Like, my mind could never imagine that this is where the storyline could go. This is where the trauma began, for Donny, and now for us – the audience – as well.

d. Trauma Connections

So…. this story, which I was expecting to be just funny and quirky, absolutely broke me. I was in a sort of trance for like two days.

And the weirdest thing is, I relate so much with all the vulnerabilities shown by that man, and also the ludicrous daydreaming situation that woman had. It broke my heart both ways. I understand why she did what she did, I deeply empathize, and I wish she had literally a single human in her life she could hold onto.

Especially in the very last scene, where we get to know why she kept calling him her baby reindeer, was completely heartbreaking. She was just another traumatized individual who grasped at anything that made her feel like her life was not as bad, it was all fine. Yes, she needed therapy badly, but if she couldn’t afford even a cup of tea, how could she afford a mental health service that charges over 100 per hour?

She called Donny her baby reindeer because that’s all she had to pacify herself, since childhood. That’s the only thing that ever made her feel protected. She saw that safety net in this random guy she found at some random bar, who was surprisingly kind to her, even though she was a stranger. I just remembered then – the first time she looked up at him, we subtly saw all the welled up pain in her eyes turning into hope in a matter of seconds. That’s what she saw him as – a kind person offering free tea to a stranger like her, for no reason – a baby reindeer – THE baby reindeer – who would be kind to her even if the world isn’t.

After knowing this, remembering what happened at the court became even more heart-wrenching. That poor thing, just needed someone she could rely on, someone who would try to understand her. She thought she had found it in Donny, but he was just another kind of traumatized person who also needed help.

2. Performances

The performances of literally every actor in this series was flawless. Jessica Gunning playing Martha didn’t just look the part, she also nailed every subtle expression and body language. Also, I can’t imagine the amount of bravery it took for Richard Gadd to not only share his truth, but also live through all that trauma again, just to share his story with a wider audience. I have found countless people relating to his trauma, because I don’t think this is the kind of trauma most people would feel comfortable sharing with anybody upfront.

3. Honesty vs Vulnerability

I have never seen such a painfully personal depiction of a regular man being sexually assaulted. Honestly, I never even wanted to know or imagine.

I come from a very conservative country, where women’s rape had become so common that no one bats an eye anymore. Rape is just regular news.

So, coming from that background, I was only aware of the rape of women and minors. I knew men’s rape exists, but never came across a real-life story of it. Every rape case I read or heard about was about female or minor victims.

Especially in the scene where his father also comes out as a rape survivor, it’s astounding to me!!! Cause before that scene, I was only looking at this father character as another old dad with anger/screaming issues. I wonder how many of our older men suffered through something like this, and never found the courage to tell a soul. The way this whole thing of rape is just preferred to keep hidden by both men and women, is very concerning and deeply terrifying.

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This was an incredibly brave project that presented a rare combination of trauma and humor. Safe to say, I got a lot more than I bargained for. Finished the show in one seating, even skipping some scenes because they got too uncomfortable.

But I would like to urge everyone to watch this show, because it is a rare opportunity to dive into the mind of a regular traumatized individual. Even if someone in your circle roams around with a burden like this, you may never get to know. So living through this incredible story can get you a unique perspective on two sides of vulnerabilities.