I never realized how much I love my life until this pandemic happened. Sure, the first few days were extremely hard because of the misunderstandings and toxic nature in my house – both of which have been pretty prevalent in these surroundings since my teenage days.
However, as time went on and people started dying for real in our locality, I started pondering over these questions: “What if I die tomorrow? Or the end of this month? How content would I be with my life and the choices I have made so far?”
Of course, it started with fear first. Because, let’s be real, no matter how cynical or nihilistic someone is, we don’t actually want to just abandon the faces we have loved so much over the years and be only a framed picture in our own house. We don’t want to leave the room we adorned so carefully over so many years to represent our memories, ambitions and more. We don’t really want to leave this beautiful little world we built for ourselves.
But what if we have to? What if death suddenly comes knocking on our door and doesn’t give us any time to prepare the last words? What if we don’t get the time to say goodbye properly or to touch the hand of our loved ones for one last time?
All these thoughts scared me even more thinking how an invisible murderer like coronavirus forces our family members, friends and others to stay away from us even when we are taking the last breath. All they can do is watch us through a glass window and tear up with regrets. How horrible is that?
In my country, I have watched news clips of real people leaving their mothers on road in suspicion of this virus. Some very very unfortunate people were abandoned for hours after breathing for the last time. Their bodies were either left wrapped on road or on the staircase by their family members. And the stories get worse, but I won’t dive into those here.
All I can think about nowadays is what do I really treasure, what will I really miss or regret once I leave this world. Will it be my brother who I believe I haven’t taken care of enough, will it be the countless dreams I didn’t pursue thinking “these are just childish wishes”, or will it be hurting the people out of anger who didn’t have any intention to hurt me…
The possibilities are endless.
Will I meet mom on the other side? Grandfather? One of my paternal uncles died for corona last month, and now an aunt is struggling as well. Death is all around me, and my family. Who will die, who will live – it’s all like a game of roulette – no one knows where the Grim Reaper’s ball will end up next.
So, how should we approach it? How can we prepare for the possibilities of an early end to our worldly chapter?
I guess, one of the answers is to spend more time with families and chat longer with friends. Buy them what you always wanted them to have, enjoy the board games you all used to play in childhood. Just, leave them with lots of beautiful memories to cherish till the end of time.
Another idea would be to make amends with God and your spirituality, since you may meet Him soon after. It is time to pray more whole-heartedly and repent for your past sins. You can dive deeper into the Holy Book now since quarantine has supposedly given you more free time than usual.
There is also the aspect of finances. If you are a bread-earner of the family (actually, even if you aren’t), it would be quite wise to fix the bank balance, mortgage, debts and all these crucial financial figures before something bad happens. Doing so, you can protect the closest ones dependent on you from seeking desperate measures for some financial support to survive.
After thinking or planning all these for others, let’s look back at you. What do YOU want to do in your lifetime? I mean, REALLY want to. Is it to finish reading a particular series of books? Have a date with your partner under the stars? Try your hand in sketching or painting? Record yourself dancing to your favorite song?
All of the options you can pursue while maintaining social distancing and other protective measures, you should definitely do them right now. For life is truly short. And death may not come with a notice.
What would you do TODAY if death comes tomorrow?
I’m trying to make my own list. I don’t know how many of them I’ll actually be able to do. But, I feel like I’m on the right track. Hope you are too ❤ ❤